Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
