Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
