Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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