he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
