I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
