dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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