overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
