Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize