just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
