I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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