found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
