my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
