we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
