3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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