if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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