Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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