C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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