he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
