I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
