Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
