i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize