oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
