so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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