so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
