thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize