why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
