I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
