Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
