Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
