come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
