Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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