today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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