Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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