Sry I called you an 8
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I queefed so loud it echoed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
