Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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