I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize