my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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