and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
