? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
