i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
