I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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