morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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