Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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(917): View more from New York City

every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.

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(626): View more from California

wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?

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(229): View more from Georgia

Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

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(813): View more from Florida

See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him

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