It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How external is "for external use only"?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
