Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
