Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
