You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
