You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
