Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
