There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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