Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
