Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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