im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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