i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
