Sry I called you an 8
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
