if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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