I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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