Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize