I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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