So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
