I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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