I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
