I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
