grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
