problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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