This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
