I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
