can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
