I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
