Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
