Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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