hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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