you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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