i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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