I want you more than these girls want KFC
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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