Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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